Why I hate kids
by Samurai don't need angels
Summary: Kanda Yu has never liked children. But he has currently got one following him around like a puppy. Lavi on the other hand, thinks the kid is adorable and he's determined to make Kanda agree. Rated T for Kanda's mouth.
1. To the Black Order: Part One

Disclaimer: I do not own D-gray man, Kanda, Allen, Lavi, Lenalee, Komui or anyone else. While I am at it, I also do not own any other popular anime/mangas, or even not popular. I do not own anything of real importance except my laptop made of gold.

Warnings: Possible OOCness.

P.S. If you believed my laptop was made of gold then you might need to check in with my doctor…He's really nice, he'll give you this lovely white jacket with straps.

Remember to **_review_ **people. Even simple 'I hate it.' Will work just fine.

* * *

_**A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson**_

Kanda glared stiffly at his find.

It was small. It barely reached his hip – if it stood on tiptoes. It didn't speak much and when it did, he couldn't understand a word it said. Eventually, he determined it was speaking something other than English. Its eyes stared at him with an intensity he found disturbing for its age. They were dark blue in color. The hair was long and blond, with a few chaotic curls thrown into the mix.

Kanda couldn't help but wish he hadn't let the finder get crushed by a falling beam.

Now he was stuck with this…thing. His eye twitched when it opened its mouth. The mouth quickly closed again. He sighed in relief. At least he wouldn't have to hear any more of that garbled speech.

His relief was short lived when it started kicking its legs against the seat, making loud thuds. He glared at it some more, but it just smiled at him, apparently thinking he was joking. The only problem with that assumption was that Kanda never joked. "Stop that." He growled.

The thing laughed at him. "Stop," He commanded. The thing started to pout, but it stopped.

Kanda: One

Little Girl: Zero

Kanda stood up. He very much needed to use the bathroom. He glared suspiciously at the kid. "Don't. Move," He bit out the words, trying to make himself understood more through his tone than his words. The child stared at him blankly. "Stay." He tried again, pointing firmly to the seat. The little head bobbed twice, still sulking.

Kanda was not satisfied with the answer. But the desire to be done with his business was a rather pressing matter so he decided it was best to just take the kid's word for it. After all, what kind of trouble could the kid get into while he was gone for five minutes?

* * *

The girl's name was Claudette. She did not like the man with long hair. He was very rude in her opinion. He didn't smile much either; unless he was hacking up those monsters with that pointy stick of his. He didn't talk to her unless it was to reprimand her or to tell her what to do. He was a little too bossy for her tastes.

Claudette waited precisely two minutes until after Kanda was gone to get up and leave the train compartment.

Kanda: One

Claudette: One

* * *

Kanda swore, stalking the train and flinging open compartment door after compartment door. He ignored the shouts of indignation, rudely interrupting to ask if they had seen a little brat about four feet tall, blond hair, blue eyes.

It wasn't until the sixth compartment - Kanda practically foaming with rage - that somebody mentioned that a girl of that description heading towards the dining cart. He grunted, storming towards said dining cart.

He slammed opened the door, eyes scanning the room. The dark blue eyes locked onto the little blond thing from hell – as he now decided that was where the kid was from – and stalked towards her. Gripping her by the collar, he then proceeded to drag her back to the compartment and drop her back on the seat.

Had she been a bit older, he might have threatened her with Mugen.

Had she been about ten years older – about Moyashi's age – he might have just slit her throat there and then.

The thing from hell glared at him and stood back up. He stood up as well. It tried to open the door. He grabbed the handle. "Sit. Down," He spat at her, using his most menacing, scary face in an attempt to scare her into listening to him.

The plan backfired.

It started bawling. "Stop crying." He ordered, which only made it cry harder. Snot was running down the kid's face and the shoulders shook.

What the hell was he supposed to do?

Was it hungry? Kids got hungry, didn't they? What did they eat?

Maybe she was tired….thirsty?

He pinched the bridge of his nose wracking his brains. The only thing he could think to do was pick it up. There was no way he was doing that. No way in hell. He winced as the crying got louder. He hesitated and picked it up under the arms.

Holding the girl at arm's length he looked firmly into her eyes. "No, more crying," He said firmly, though he tried not to be too frightening. Exactly how much he was succeeding was another story. The girl hiccupped but nodded. She reached out her arms trying to get closer to him but Kanda plopped her back on her feet. "We will be at the Order soon." He grumbled. Once they got to the Order, he would make sure to deposit her into the arms of Komui. Then Komui could check her Synchronization rate. Then Kanda had no idea what would happen but he guessed it would have to do with some gushing on Lenalee's and Tiedoll's part. Not that he cared.

The child shot Kanda a hard look but went to the compartment bench. She fell face first onto the seat and proceeded to sob quietly into the seat.

Kanda was fairly sure he heard the word 'mommy,' but dismissed it. The kid was going to have to get over it. She wouldn't be seeing her mommy again for a long time; if ever.

At least she was being quite. Kanda took his seat again and lapsed into silence, feeling he had done his part.

He sighed and closed his eyes. It had been a long day. He kept his ears sharp though, in case she decided to pull another quick one on him and escape again.

Gradually even the quiet sobbing ceased and Kanda felt a little less agitated. He frowned, hearing the jiggling of a bracelet. The kid must have been looking at her innocence. He cursed the charm bracelet that had latched itself onto the girl, deciding that she was its Exorcist.

He shook his head.

It wasn't like she'd be his problem for much longer. Somebody else could feel sorry for her later.


	2. To the Black Order: Part Two

Disclaimer: Stop mocking me.

Warnings: Possible OOCness, Kanda's fowl mouth

Remember to **_review_ **people. Even simple 'I hate it.' Will work just fine.

* * *

Kanda ignored the glares and looks he was getting as he dragged his young – and very much unwanted – companion through the train station. He wished fervently that she would stop fussing. It wouldn't be so bad if she was quiet about it. But no and worse yet, the loud cries of protests kept getting louder and louder.

At first it she had simply refused to get up off her seat. He had countered by grabbing her arm in his iron grip and forcing her to stumble along after him. At first she had been rather compliant, following him with that sulk of hers.

But then she started trying to get loose. Just little tugs here and there. He had fixed that with a quick whack to the head.

The thing from hell had then started bawling, again. After several filthy looks from some mothers – and fathers as well – Kanda had just picked her up and tucked her under his arm in attempt to go faster.

Then she'd gone limp. It turned out, limp children where almost as hard to carry as lively children; absolute deadweight.

That led to his current method of dragging her around. He had simply dropped her to the ground, grabbed her collar. Now she was trying to pry off his hands. Like he cared, she was lucky he didn't just drag her by the hair.

At least, that's what he thought; until the very big lady hit him in the face with her purse. He released his grip to hold the side of his face._ What the hell was in that purse? _"What the fuck?" He yelled at her, pulling out Mugen.

It was too bad that her attention had already been averted to the kid who was sobbing into her skirts. She patted the kid's head. "Aww, are you okay kid?" She asked sweetly. The big blue eyes looked up and nodded tearfully. "What's your name?" She asked pulling her up to her ear. The child whispered something in her ear. "Claudette? That's a very pretty name." The child beamed at her. Apparently, the kid did speak English.

The stout woman glared at Kanda. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" She smacked him again with the purse, completely ignoring the sword. "Are you trying to kill her?" Claudette smirked behind the lady's skirts. _No, _Kanda thought, _but I will be shortly._

Kanda: one

Claudette: two

"No, the brat wouldn't move," He spat through gritted teeth.

"So your solution was to choke her?" She hit him yet again with that damned purse. "You don't hold children like that. You have to be gentle with them!" She hit him twice more. Kanda tried spit out some threats at her but was too busy trying to fend off the purse. "Are you stupid? Don't you know how to take care of children?" She snarled.

Kanda made a mental note: _Do not drag children in front of ladies with purses. _He was beginning to think that it was almost as dangerous as fighting a level two Akuma. "Knock it off!" He roared at the lady. "If you can figure out a way to get her to move, be my guest!"

"You ask her idiot," She sneered at him. Kanda frowned, not really understanding. Weren't children supposed to just do what you want? Be seen and not heard. The lady rolled her eyes. "Children don't like to be ordered around."

They didn't? Kanda had always thought they were supposed to believe everything adults told them. "Now, _ask her you twit_."

Kanda glared at Claudette. He was going to kill her when they were alone. Slit her throat then bash her head in. That would teach her. "Come –," He looked over when the lady gave him an evil eye that rivaled his own. "_Please," _He was going to burn the little snot, "Hurry up and come with me."

Claudette hesitated, and then looked at the lady who gave her a smile and made a motion. Claudette nodded and held out her hand. Kanda let out a loud exasperated sigh. "Can't you do anything?" He snapped grabbing her and hauled her off swearing.

The lady sighed. It was an improvement.

* * *

Kanda plunked her in the boat before stepping in himself. He started to paddle up the river, glaring at her. She was rubbing her head where he had smacked her once he was out of the lady's sight. He had been very careful to make sure no ladies with huge purses were around.

The kid looked over the side of the boat. She smiled in delight at seeing her reflection. Apparently the blow to the head didn't last long enough.

She splashed the water. "Stop it." Kanda commanded. She looked at him slyly and made a big enough splash that it drenched the bottom of his coat. Kanda lost his temper. "Why you…." He hissed taking a step towards her.

Unfortunately, this rocked the boat.

Because the boat rocked, the kid who had been half out already, fell in.

Because she fell in, the boat rocked further.

That's when Kanda fell in.

_"Shit!" _He snarled falling head first into the water. He came up spluttering. The water wasn't particularly deep. His feet could still touch the bottom. His head whipped around for the small blond haired demon.

He spotted a disturbance in the water. He scowled and plunged an arm in and gripped a handful of cloth. He yanked up the spluttering girl named Claudette. She gagged and frantically moved towards Kanda. He che'd and looked for the boat as she scrambled, wrapping her arms around his neck in an effort not to drown. He gave another che, figuring that there really wasn't a way out of this one. She pressed her head into the crook of his neck.

His brows pulled together when he heard a muffled word. "Tch. Speak up." He snapped at her. He was in no mood to try and decipher whatever garbled nonsense she was spitting out.

"S…sorry…" The voice was shaking. The large blue eyes looked up at him, begging him to forgive her.

"Che, do it again and I'll kill you," He growled furiously. The head gave a quick nod. It was then Kanda wondered if he could train the thing from hell to behave how he wanted it to.

He looked around for the boat and realized that it had capsized. Cursing his luck, he realized that he would have to walk all the way back. Kanda almost groaned. Of course, he didn't, because he was Kanda. At least Lavi wasn't there to see what was going on.

"Yu," Speak of the devil and he shall appear, "I didn't know you liked kids!" Lavi teased. He and the Panda were apparently coming back from a mission too. Kanda turned his head giving Lavi a look of death. "Err…so you don't like kids then?" He asked. Kanda continued to glare at the redhead, willing him to disappear. "I just figured since you were letting her hang around your neck…."

"Aw, come on Yu!" Kanda reached for Mugen, fully intending to cut Lavi to ribbons.

"That's enough," Bookman said firmly. "The cold water isn't good for that child. Help get them into the boat Lavi." He instructed.

Kanda wasted no time in extracting the munchkin from his neck and awkwardly handling her to Lavi. Claudette reached for Kanda in vain, apparently having grown rather attached to him since he had saved her from drowning. "Don't worry," Lavi cooed as he pulled her into the boat, "We'll keep you safe from big bad Yu." He said, ruffling her hair.

Kanda climbed into the boat after them, though he did his best to look dignified as he did so. Not like the half drown cat he actually looked like.

"Yu! She's so cute! What's her name? How old is she?" Lavi asked rubbing the little girl's head like she was some sort of cat. She looked up at him a bit miffed, before apparently deciding it was okay. She leaned against Lavi looking for something warm to cuddle.

"Che," was Kanda's answer to the question, "Don't call me that." He growled.

"Yu, you don't even know what her name is!" Lavi said looking astonished. How did you go for an extended period of time without knowing someone's name?

The again, it was Kanda he was talking about.

"Stop calling me that," Kanda snapped. He was wet and extremely irritated. The last thing he wanted was to talk more about the source of his irritation. He crossed his arms and silently dared Lavi to ask him one more question.

Lavi looked down at the child who had made herself at home in his lap. "What's your name?" He asked her.

Claudette mumbled into his chest. Lavi grinned widely at her and patted her head. "Well, it's nice to meet you." He whispered in her ear, "Don't let Yu get you down. He's always crabby."

"Don't call me that!"

Claudette giggled. "Come on, let's get you to Komui." Lavi said.


	3. Tears Coffee Komui

Disclaimer: Stop mocking me.

Warnings: Possible OOCness, Kanda's slightly foul mouth.

Remember to **_review_ **people. Even simple 'I hate it.' Will work just fine.

Decided to add a second chapter today because I'm going to be gone all day tomorrow. Not that you care.

* * *

Claudette wouldn't stop crying.

Kanda wouldn't hold Claudette's hand.

Lavi was busy trying to get the child to stop crying by trying to make her laugh. This might not have been so bad had he not been telling knock-knock jokes – something that Claudette seemed unable to grasp.

Komui was wondering what the hell was wrong with the two of them. Did they really have no idea how to get a child to stop crying? He felt a pang, thinking about his Lenalee. Had she been treated the same way before he had gotten there?

The chief walked in front of the small wailing child, crouching down to eye level with the dark blue eyes. He peered over the glasses and smiled largely at her. Claudette continued to cry for a bit before slowing to a hiccup. She stared at Komui intrigued by the man smiling at her. She tilted her head to the side. "Tickle, tickle," He crooned, going for under her arms. Claudette looked more startled then ticklish, but gradually she started to giggled and shy away from the kooky science man. It wasn't long before she was in a complete laughing fit.

Kanda was completely disgusted to see a grown man acting like a complete idiot. It was revolting seeing him at the kid's height, tickling the thing from hell. Didn't he have any self-respect? Kanda really shouldn't have been surprised knowing Komui.

Lavi on the other hand was worrying that Komui might get another sister-complex – or would it be a strange-little-girl-complex? He wondered if Komui had used to treat Leenalee like he was treating Claudette when she was little.

Claudette wiped at the tears on her face and looked up at Komui. "So Lavi, how did you come upon this adorable little girl?" Komui cooed, not turning his head to the redhead.

Kanda looked somewhat ticked that Lavi was automatically being credited with the thing from hell. "Actually, she's Yu's little girlfriend," Lavi teased, but held up his hands in a peace gesture when the sword ended up an inch from his nose. "Easy Yu!"

"Do. Not. Call. Me. That," Kanda hissed at Lavi.

The display of violence sent Claudette into another crying fit, which Komui quickly quieted with a promise of letting her have a taste of his coffee; a generous offer indeed. She looked up eagerly at Komui, who handed her his mug. "Careful, my darling Lenalee got that specially for me!" He cried. The girl tilted her head and took a huge swig of coffee.

"Uh, are kids' supposed to drink coffee?" Lavi said, having a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Of course, coffee is wonderful after all!" Komui cried. Apparently, Komui didn't know as much about kids as he thought he did. He picked up Claudette who was staring intently at the coffee before a small smile spread upon her lips. He sat her on the desk. "Now Kanda, how did you stumble across this little beauty," He said ruffling Claudette's hair before turning back to the angry samurai.

"Che, damned akuma," He paused when both Lavi and Komui gave him horrified looks.

"Kanda, watch your language!" Komui scolded him.

"Yeah Yu, there's a kid here!" Lavi said.

Kanda wasn't sure if he was more amused or pissed off by their interruption. He took a deep breath in order to calm his frayed nerves and said, "Akuma had already discovered her. Her father," At least he assumed it had been her mother, "was killed before I could get to them. The innocence then stuck itself to her wrist and won't _come off._" Kanda's extreme agitation at this was quite clear. "The mother was happy to let her go." Well, if 'you bastard, give me back my daughter,' was considered 'happy,' anyway.

Komui nodded, not really believing in Kanda's description. But he knew Kanda was being honest with the exception of the mother.

"Well then, I suppose we had better-," Komui was cut off by the shrill shriek of Lenalee.

"Brother! Why is that little girl drinking your coffee?" Lenalee demanded, hands on her hips.

Komui looked abashed. "Well, you see, she was crying and," He was once again interrupted with a kick to the head. "Oww," he whined.

"Kids don't drink coffee!" She yelled at her brother. Claudette looked up from her cup with a new brightness to her eyes. "What is she doing here anyway?" Lenalee demanded.

Claudette leapt up from her seat on the desk. "Da preee-tty guy with looong hair said I had to come be an ex-or-cistant!" She said, dashing around the female exorcist. This was what was known as 'the caffeine effect. She blinked, wondering if the child had been so hyper before. One look at her the three men's faces gave her the answer. "You an ex-or-cistant too," She asked, the words mispronounced and stretched out.

Lenalee took a second to figure out what an ex-or-cistant was. "An exorcist," She asked, "Yes." She smiled realizing that the Order had a new addition to the family. "I'll have to show you around sometime," Lenalee said enthusiastically. "I'll introduce you to everyone." She promised. She looked up at Kanda and Lavi. "I see you've already met Lavi , Kanda and my brother." She said nicely.

"Nooo, but da red eye patch," Lenalee assumed that meant Lavi, "called that the guy with preee-ttty hair's name is Yu," She smiled at Lenalee, still running around in circles. Lenalee hid a smile as Komui and Lavi each tried to wrestle Mugen away from Kanda in an attempt to keep Claudette alive for a little longer.

For their troubles, each ended up with a black eye.

Lenalee decided to help smooth things over. "No, his name is Kanda." She pointed to 'the guy with preee-ttty hair." "That's Lavi," she pointed to said redhead, "and that is my brother Komui," She pointed to her brother. "And my name is Lenalee."

"Why'd he call him 'Yu'?" Claudette demanded.

Lenalee decided to go with the easiest answer. "I'll tell you when you're older," She said and held out her hand. "Come on, I'll come introduce you to everyone else." She said, pulling Claudette along, having decided that the young girl needed to burn off some caffeine."


	4. Cookie?

Disclaimer: Yes. I am a Japanese Manga artist who happens to draw the sexist beast on the planet (Kanda.)** No, I do not own D-gray man.**

Warnings: Possible OOCness, Kanda's slightly foul mouth.

Remember to **_review_ **people. Even simple 'I hate it.' Will work just fine.

* * *

Claudette stared at the giant mountain of food. She tilted her head to the side and continued to stare at the food. She had never seen so many different kinds of food before. Curry, boiled chicken, rice, noodles, sandwiches, pulled pork, roasted vegetables and other things Claudette hadn't ever seen before. Of course, that wasn't even counting the pile of deserts. "I wanna some!" She demanded, after a few minutes, climbing up on the seat next to Allen, who had been blissfully unaware of the child until she sat down staring at him.

Allen swallowed a huge bite of rice he had been munching on. "Hi," He greeted Claudette. He looked up at Lenalee, looking curious about what was going on. He hadn't seen many kids Claudette's age around the order.

"Hi, Allen," Lenalee greeted the boy with white hair. "This is Claudette. She's the newest addition to our family," Lenalee said, rather glad that somebody else was taking the brunt of Claudette's attention. She hadn't realized how much work children were. Especially when certain brothers gave said child a whole cup of coffee.

Allen smiled at Claudette. "Well, it's very nice to meet you," He said politely.

Claudette looked at him and then pointed to a huge cookie. "I have that, pleaaase," She asked, giving Allen a puppy dog look.

Allen looked reluctant. "Ummm…." He said looking at the cookie, then at the look the tiny blond child was giving him. "I…."

Lenalee looked at Claudette, "Oh, are you hungry?"

Claudette nodded and reached for the cookie but was prevented from getting it when Lenalee picked her up. "Well, let's get you some food," Lenalee suggested. Claudette reached in vain for the cookie. Allen turned a blind eye to what was happening.

Claudette scowled as she was plunked on the floor a few feet away from Jerry.

"Why hello there, sugar, what can I get for you," Jerry asked, leaning over the counter to get a better look at the new exorcist.

Claudette just looked frustrated. "I wanna –," She glared when Lenalee interrupted her.

"Hi Jerry, this is Claudette. Do you think you could get us a plate of something good for her?" Lenalee asked, not seeming to notice how put out the little girl looked.

"Sure, anything in particular for the little cutie?" Jerry asked, deciding to gush over the Claudette. "Maybe some pie? Or some cake."

Claudette started to say 'Cookie!' but was once again thwarted by Lenalee. "No sugar. She's already had some of brother's coffee."

"I wanna," Claudette tried protesting, but Jerry was already gone. She looked at Lenalee in despair but the Chinese girl just patted the younger girl's head.

"Don't worry, Jerry cooks very well," Lenalee assured Claudette, thinking that the looks was because the younger girl didn't want to try anything knew. "Why don't you have a seat by Allen and I'll bring your food over when it's ready?" Lenalee suggested.

Claudette's lower lip quivered, but she trudged back to Allen's table. Allen looked at her curiously. "What's the matter?" He asked tenderly.

"Cookie…." Claudette whined.

Allen smiled apologetically, "Sorry, I've already eaten mine." And what a good cookie it had been.

Claudette wilted further and put her head on the table. Allen frowned and continued to eat his food. Who would have guessed that not getting a cookie could make a kid so sad?

Said sad child looked up hearing Lavi's voice across the cafeteria, "Come on Yu, are you telling me you don't think that the kid was just a little cute?" He teased.

"Che," Was the inevitable answer.

"Aww, come on Yu. She was so nice to you too. She even called you a 'preeetty guy with loon,' – easy Yu!" Lavi said raising his hands in defense when Mugen was pointed at his throat.

Claudette smiled and slipped from her seat.

Maybe the preeettty guy with preeetty, looong hair would get her a cookie?

She maneuvered her way throw the maze of big people legs until she found herself next to Kanda, who was still threatening Lavi with Mugen for calling him 'Yu'; and bringing up the pretty comment again.

"Preetty guy!" Claudette rejoiced, before attaching herself to Kanda's leg. "Wanna cookie?" She asked hopefully.

Kanda looked down, rather startled that the small thing had appeared again. And on his leg no less. "Che," He growled and tried to pull her off while keeping pride intact. Something that was hard to do when he was being stared at by finders and laughed at by Lavi.

He was going to kill them all later.

"Pleeease gimme cookie!" Claudette said staying firmly glued to his leg. He twitched, wondering how much trouble he'd get into if he pointed Mugen at someone under the age of six.

"Tch, cookies are bad for you," Kanda said, taking a couple of steps to see if that would loosen Claudette's iron grip.

Kanda took what was left of his dignity, and began to limp away with child on his leg. _Walk it off….walk it off. _Why wouldn't it get off of him?Did he look like some sort of caregiver?He narrowed his eyes at Lavi's laughing. "Aw, come on Yu! Tell me you don't think she's adorable?" He said.

"Tch. Annoying," He grumbled, referring to the both of them. "Do not call me that." He added.

"But Yu! She's so cute," Lavi protested, "Why don't you give her a cookie?"

Kanda unsheathed Mugen and pointed it at Lavi's throat - though the effect was somewhat diminished by the kid on his leg. "I. Will. Not. Get. A. Cookie," Kanda spat at Lavi. Even just the word 'cookie,' felt bad in his mouth.

Lavi held up his hands yet again. "Fine, no cookie," He said, deciding it was probably in his best interest to not push the matter. But he made a private promise to himself that he'd get Kanda to admit the kid was cute.

Claudette looked disappointed.

Why didn't anybody want her to have a cookie?

**A/N: I'd like to apologize for the general choppiness of this chapter. Please review.**


	5. Kanda Vs Kid

Disclaimer: No. I do not own the sexy beast known as Kanda or anyone else in D-gray man. Or D-gray man.

Warnings: Possible OOCness, Kanda's slightly foul mouth, general slowness of author.

Remember to **_review_ **people. Even simple 'I hate it.' Will work just fine.

Sorry I'm late? I don't have an excuse...

* * *

Claudette peered over Komui's desk, eyeing the bunny coffee cup. She had been there for exactly three days and several things had happened. The first thing was it had been decreed that _nobody _was to give her coffee. The second thing was that Claudette had decided she was going to get another cup of coffee.

She cast a cautious glace around the room before reaching for the coffee cup. Her hand was just an inch awa-

"Hey, kid," Lavi said, picking her up, "I thought Lenalee said no more coffee," He scolded her with a smile.

Claudette sighed, "Baka usagi…." She mumbled. She wasn't exactly sure what it meant, but the man with the pretty hair seemed to use it a lot.

Lavi looked crestfallen. "Aww, don't be like that," he said, ruffling her hair as he placed her back on the floor – though he put her away from the coffee. "Why don't you go play with Lenalee? Or Allen?" He suggested, trying to get her mind off the coffee.

Claudette's shoulders slumped.

Lenalee was no fun. She was always telling Claudette things she shouldn't do. _You shouldn't have a cookie before dinner. You shouldn't jump around like that you might hurt yourself, Blah, blah, blah. _And she always said annoying things like 'I'll tell you when you're older.'

Besides that, Claudette had spent the entire morning getting _away _from Lenalee.

Allen wasn't much fun either, but for a different reason. He would always show her funny magic tricks – but he wouldn't teach them to her. Plus, he kept trying to get her to play this game called 'pocker,' – or at least that's what Claudette thought it was called. Claudette did not like Pocker. Allen kept getting cookies and calling them 'pocker chips,' and then he would take call the cookies he gave her! It just wasn't fair.

She looked at Lavi, "Lavi play?" She asked hopefully. Maybe he could play with her instead? Lavi was much more fun to play with then Allen and Lenalee. Lavi always spent time to explain things to her. He would read to her too. Plus, he knew lots of cool things – like how to make Komui freak out.

Lavi shook his head, "Sorry kiddo," He said, ruffling his hair and not making any eye contact with the puppy dog look he was getting. "I've got to go," He said, waving good bye to the little tyke. He started out the door, calling, "Go talk to Lenalee," He insisted

It wasn't until he was out the door and on the train several hours later that occurred to him someone ought to be watching the kid.

* * *

Claudette sighed as he wandered meekly through the halls. She had decided against the idea of trying to sneak another cup of coffee. Besides, she had been pretty sure she'd heard one of the members of the science division coming. She didn't want to get yelled at for sneaking coffee. She knew it was wrong –

-But it tasted so good.

She sighed, wondering who she could play with. Over the past few days, she'd met a bunch of people that had seemed like fun. She'd met Miranda – who had greeted her with a shriek of terror. This was mostly because Claudette had still been hanging onto a very pissed off pretty man's leg.

She'd met Krory, who the pretty haired guy had almost hacked to pieces at the greeting 'Wasabi man!'

And she'd met Noise Marie who the pretty –

Maybe she should go and play with the preeetty guy?

She hesitated before running headlong past a group of finders, "Soooorrry!" She yelled behind her. She wanted to go and get the preeetty man to play with her. He was the only person – well, out of Lavi, Lenalee, Allen and Komui – who hadn't played with her yet.

Claudette wondered what Kanda liked to play.

After quite a bit of running around, Claudette finally ended up in the training room. Kanda sat meditating off to the side.

Of course, Claudette had never seen anybody meditate. To her, it looked merely like Kanda had fallen asleep in a rather strange position. She had never seen anyone so still. Except her Daddy when Kanda had rescued her. But that had been when he had -

Was he dead?

Claudette didn't fully understand death yet. The only thing she really knew was, once a person was dead, they couldn't play anymore – you weren't even allowed to see the person if they were dead. She wanted to keep seeing Kanda!

"Nooooooo!" Claudette wailed running to Kanda in alarm. She successfully started Kanda from his meditation. It was a shame too – he had been doing a very good job of ignoring Claudette. He was further shocked when the small body smashed into his with surprising force. He grunted in shock, but he did not topple backwards.

He did however wince when Claudette pulled hard on his hair as she pulled herself closer to him. God damn it, he really hated the thing from hell.

"Don't be dead!" She wailed.

Kanda blinked. How on earth had that statement come about? "Tch. I don't die," He said, prying her off his body. Claudette tried to cling, but he managed to extract her. "Why are you here?" He grumbled, irritated at that she had interrupted her.

He cast a look around the training room. Nobody else was there.

"I wanna play! Pleaaaseee preeettty man?" Claudette said brightly. Apparently, the news that Kanda didn't die was good news indeed.

"Tch. I don't play," He said, closing his eyes and trying to go back to meditating.

Claudette looked upset. "No! No sleeping. Play," She insisted opening his eyes with a small finger. He twitched.

The next part so happened so quickly Claudette hardly had time to blink before Kanda had stood and pointed Mugen at her. "Don't do that," He hissed.

There was a second of silence.

Then tears started to form in the little girls eyes, followed by loud wails.

Kanda couldn't help but think that he really should have kept Mugen sheathed – even if nobody was around to witness. _Shit…_He thought. Lenalee and Komui were going to come and investigate.

They were going to kill him.

Kanda had a slight – not that he would admit it to anybody – fear of people who liked children; especially since he had met that lady with the purse.

"Shhh," he tried to quiet her before the alarm sounded. "Shh," He insisted. The crying almost got louder. He hesitated – what was he supposed to do.

That's when he remembered something for several days okay. "Stop crying…I'll get you a cookie!" He hissed.

Claudette sniffed. "Chocolate?" She checked.

Kanda rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Chocolate," he growled in annoyance. Now he just had to figure out how to get her one without drawing attention to himself.

He stiffened when he got another leg hug.

He sighed in irritation.

Claudette sighed in satisfaction.

She was going to play with Kanda much more often.


	6. Sleepy Bedtime Story

Can I get a Birthday review? Please?

Disclaimer: I see that you are still mocking me...

Warnings: Possible OOCness, Kanda's slightly foul mouth, general slowness of author.

_**REVIEW, because once you've read this, you cannot unread it.**_

*Gaki – Brat (I may not be using this correctly, so if you knew different please correct me.)

* * *

"I don't care Kanda, you gave her the cookies, you have to put her down to sleep," Lenalee said firmly. The little girl known as Claudette ran circles around the two exorcists. Kanda glowered – it was still fairly early, only about eight. That meant it was time for Claudette to sleep, which she refused to do.

Why?

Because Kanda had given her enough cookies to keep her awake for the rest of the night; two chocolate chip cookies earlier that afternoon and then three sugar cookies an hour ago. The result was she was too hyper to go to sleep and Lenalee absolutely refused to even try. You'd think she was given another cup of coffee by the way she was acting.

That meant Kanda was going to have to try and put her down for the night. Much to his disgruntlement.

"Che," Kanda grumbled looking down at the blond thing from hell. He wondered how long it would be before she got dizzy and fell.

He hoped it would be soon.

Lenalee continued, "You'll need to give her a bath," No way in hell, "Read her a story," No, "Or sing to her," No! "And give her a glass of water," Maybe if she was good and didn't annoy the hell out of him; maybe. "If you have any questions you can ask my brother," Lenalee said, disappearing.

Kanda looked at the thing from hell; who slowed to a stop to look at him, "Cookie?" She asked hopefully.

"No," Kanda vetoed the idea that had already gotten him in so much trouble. He was never going to give Claudette a cookie again. It was just too much damn trouble. He sighed, thinking about what to do with the girl.

He didn't really know what to do with her. He hadn't spent much time with children. The few children that did come to the Order were too scared of him to come near him. His own childhood hadn't exactly been normal, so he could draw from that bank of knowledge either.

He sighed, thinking. He would never admit it, but he wished the stupid usagi was there. He was good with the kid. He would probably know how to get the kid to sleep.

"Bath?" The little girl asked him.

Kanda shook his head, "No. You are not sticky," He deemed, running his eyes up and down her. It was true. She was not dirty, sticky, filthy, disgusting or covered in drool like children normally were. Not that he thought she would be – after all, she never left the fairly clean halls of the Order. Aside from a few cookie crumbs, she was pretty much spotless.

"No bath?" Claudette seemed delighted by this. Lenalee always made her take a bath. Claudette didn't like baths. The soap always got in her eyes and Lenalee made her get out before she was done playing. She grinned at Kanda. "Yeah the preeettty guy!" She said, going over to give him a hug. Kanda sidestepped her with ease.

"Kanda, _gaki_," He corrected her with a hard shove. "Come on," He snapped at her, grabbing her arm firmly. He started to stalk towards her room when she started to cry.

"Oww," Claudette looked at with him with teary eyes and Kanda sighed, loosening his grip. He continued to drag her and Claudette continued to whimper until he stopped.

"What?" He snapped at her.

She reached his arms out to him. "Ne, sooorrry!" She said, obviously wanting to be told it was okay and get a hug.

Kanda really hated it when she cried. It was loud. And snot ran down her face. And then he still ended up having to pick her up. It was disgusting. So he did the most logical thing. He picked her up. Mind you, he held her at arm's length.

Claudette sighed impatiently and reached her arms around her neck. Kanda tried to pull away, but she had already wrapped herself around his neck and pulled himself closer. "Gaki…." He grumbled in annoyance but continued to carry her to her room.

Apparently, she had come off her sugar high, because she buried her face into his neck. "Sleeepppy," She muttered softy.

Kanda sighed, kicking open the door. He plopped her on the bed. Alright, she was sleepy, so that meant she'd go to sleep right?

Wrong.

Claudette sat back up looking offended. "Paj-jam-ies," She grumbled to him. Kanda blinked. What the hell did she mean by that?

She tapped her foot, "Paj-jam-ies," She pointed to a drawer. Kanda – looking a bit lost but not wanting another crying fit – went over and opened the drawer.

Ah, pajamas.

He pulled out a little nightgown with flowers on it. He guessed that was okay. He didn't know what do dress her in. He shrugged and threw it over to her. The fabric landed over her head. She pulled it down, "Put it on," He said.

Claudette sighed, "No looking." Kanda grumbled and turned around, shaking his head in annoyance. There was the rustle of clothing, followed by the sound of humming.

"Done!" Claudette said, flinging himself onto Kanda's back and startling him.

"Che," He growled, pulling her off of him. God, were all kids this hyper? If so, he was never, ever getting involved with one again. Ever.

He sighed and put her back on the bed. "Go to sleep," He ordered her.

Claudette looked up at him innocently, "Thirsty," She stated. Kanda scowled – now he was a water boy. Fantastic.

He grumbled, "Deal with it," He snapped at her.

Claudette sighed looking disappointed. She bit her lip, "S…story?" She whispered quietly. Kanda looked at her alarm. He could sense another crying fit coming on. Damn, kids were such a pain. He let out a noisy say and scooted her over to take a seat.

"What. Story?" He demanded. He wanted her to go off to sleep, then he wanted to meditate, then he wanted to eat soba and sleep. He had no desire to leave the room with a wailing child. Though, admittedly, if he did do that, Lenalee wouldn't be likely to force him to put the thing from hell to sleep again.

Claudette's eyes lit up. She crawled into his lap – much to Kanda's horror and looked up at him. "Princess story!" She declared, curling up in his lap. Kanda attempted to take her off his lap, but she grabbed at his shirt and held on tightly.

Kanda gave up. She'd be asleep soon. Nobody was looking at him. He could deal with this blow to his pride. So long as nobody ever found out about it anyway.

He scratched his head. He didn't know any princess stories. And he didn't' think it would go over well if he said 'once there was a princess and then she died.' Claudette looked at him expectantly, before frowning. "I tell story?" She suggested.

"You'll go to sleep after?" Kanda asked. Claudette nodded enthusiastically. Why the hell not? He nodded his acceptance of this offer.

Claudette settled onto his lap and started off, "Once, there was a preeetty princess," She said. "Her name was…Claudette!" She nodded her approval of her princess. "Then, a really preettty looong haaaired prince came," Kanda could see where this story and sighed, he closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the child's voice

He couldn't help but smirk as a whale named Lavi picked them up when a giant wave crashed their boat taking them to their castle.

And of course, he had to smile when the white scaled dragon – nicknamed moyashi - ate the golden cookie.

Kanda stifled a yawn, listening to princess Claudette's and the pretty long haired prince's story. He really should have put a time limit on the….

Claudette looked over at Kanda. She grinned, seeing him asleep. She crawled off his lap, going to turn off the light before climbing back into the bed.

"Night Preeetty haaair," She mumbled, pulling the blanket up over both of them.


	7. The Bad Word

Sorry it's so late.

Disclaimer: I see that you are still mocking me...

Warnings: Possible OOCness, Kanda's slightly foul mouth, foul language (in this chapter)

_**REVIEW, because once you've read this, you cannot unread it.**_

*Gaki – Brat (I may not be using this correctly, so if you knew different please correct me.)

* * *

Lavi, had never in his life, seen such an adorable sight. The little blond child, known as Claudette sprawled across the bed, her legs over Kanda's hip and head off the bed. Lavi chuckled a little, at the loud snore the kid gave. It wasn't the little snore he'd expected of a child; it was a grown man's snore. God, how could Kanda sleep with all that noise?

Lavi's question was soon answered by his observation of Kanda lying on the bed; face down, a pillow he'd stolen at some point turning the night over his head. At some point during the night, the Japanese man's hair-tie had come loose and the long black locks had spread over the bed. He was snoring too, but it was a softer snore….It was a cute snore, something that wasn't difficult to sleep with.

The redhead laughed silently to himself, shoulders shaking. God, they should have forced Kanda to watch over a kid sooner. The man had clearly gone soft. Lavi shook his head, kicking off his shoes. He wasn't going to waste this opportunity. And so, he crept over quietly to the man and the little girl, adjusted the little girl so her head was at least on the bed, before crawling over the two of them so he was lying next to Kanda.

Now this, was comfortable. He snuggled closer to the Japanese man, closing his eyes for a minute, before slowly falling asleep, his own snores joining theres as he fell into a happy dream.

It was good to be home and he planned to play with Claudette for the rest of the day. He felt bad he'd had to leae when the small thing had asked him to play with her. She might have liked to play things like tea-party and dress up, but she didn't mind listening to Lavi babble either. Something that other people in the order tended to get bored of after a few days – or in Kanda's case, a few seconds.

Lavi smiled as he fell into a deep, restful sleep - if the scene on the bed was anything to go by, he was going to get to play with Kanda for the rest of the day too. Well, if Kanda didn't kill him for falling asleep on his apparently shared bed with the little thing – whose head had fallen off the edge of the bed again.

"Reeed-man!" Both Lavi and Kanda were awoken by Claudette's loud screech of delight at seeing Lavi – Lavi was her favorite playmate; Next to the preeeettty man anyway. She shook Kanda's shoulder eagerly, "Look, Look preeeettty man," She said excitedly, hardly able to get the words out, "Reeed man caaame while we sleep!"

Kanda however, was more concerned – well not concerned, more like pissed off – that Lavi was snuggled up next to him. "What the fucking hell baka usagi!" His voice was a little higher than usual. For several reasons – the main one being it was early and he was caught off guard. And of course – he was thoroughly embarrassed to be caught sleeping next to the little girl.

When had he fallen asleep anyway? This wasn't fair at all.

Claudette turned her head slightly to the side, hearing Kanda's words. Those were new ones.

"Yu-chan! You're awake!" He said, not terribly nervous that Kanda could do much – Mugen was on the other side of the room and it would probably make Claudette cry if he threatened Lavi. "I hope I wasn't disturbing your quality time with your girlfriend," He teased a little.

It was only a hunch, but Lavi was willing to guess Kanda wasn't really a fan of crying children. Well maybe he was – this was Kanda after all. Most Finder's were under the impression Kanda kicked puppies for fun. But Lavi knew Kanda better than the Finder's – and the fact was, despite Kanda being a total jerk, the man usually went out of his way to make sure people didn't cry.

Sure, he'd maim and beat up anything that was hindering him, but crying was something that made Kanda nervous. Mostly because he wasn't good at comforting crying people.

"You fucking idiot," Kanda spluttered, shoving Lavi off to the floor and swinging his own legs over the bed as he searched for his hair tie.

"Language Yu-" Lavi stopped at Claudette's next words.

"Fucking?" She repeated Kanda's word. What exactly did that mean? She hadn't heard the word before.

Lavi looked like he might have a heart attack – kids were not supposed to use that sort of language. He picked up Claudette hastily, shooting Kanda a _look at what you've done! _Look_. _Kanda looked – not exactly stricken but close. Lenalee was going to kill him if she heard Claudette talking like that. "Claudette, don't use that word!" Lavi said, "Only bad children use that word."

Claudette titled her head a little, looking confused, "B-but preeettty man."

"Preeeettty man," Lavi stretched out the pretty as Claudette did, ignoring the death glare he got from Kanda, "Is a baaad maan," He insisted. "You can't say everything he says."

Claudette seemed to be caught up on one fact though . "No!" She declared, squirming out of Lavi's arms, onto the floor, before running over to Kanda, clinging to his leg. Kanda tried to shake her off more out of reflex then anything. "Preeetttty man good! Reeed man bad," She said dismissively, clinging to Kanda's leg.

Maybe Lavi was one of her favorite playmates, but Kanda was the best – he gave her cookies! And ultimately, the man who gave Claudette cookies and let _her _tell the story at night, had Claudette's love.

"Che, you still can't use the word,_ gaki_," Kanda told her, trying to rectify the problem before it became too much of an issue. He continued to try and pry her off his leg. She gave him a clueless look, "It's a big people word," Kanda said using a little words that couldn't possibly be bad.

The door creaked open.

Claudette snapped at Kanda, "I a fucking big person!" She declared – and Kanda immediately told her to shut up.

_SMASH!_

The breakfast tray Lenalee had brought the sleeping trio slammed into Kanda's head.


End file.
